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When it Rains it Pours

June 2, 2011

I’m about to dump a bunch of past writings up here.  Hold on cuz there is quite the roller coaster of emotions through the past months when I was writing all this.

Boxing Out
wiping tears from my face determined to press on,
press on to what? to rest and peace of mind,
to soul settled truth in the light
true comfort, cuddled up with my Lord,
under His wing, with His right handed might
waiting for the trumpet sound, ears peeled
i kneel and beg for mercy
does He hear? will he quench this thirst?
i know im not the first to ask,
time is slowing and im looking for the trap door
trying to spin myself out of this nightmare,
pinch myself out of this bright glare of confusion
stripping myself bare, naked as the day i was born
i remember Lord your crown of thorns and i recall your pain
the robes bloody red stained, nailed in place.
your merciful face is my only salvation
zion is my stronghold, with hopes of relocation,
i focus patient, gripping my fist
with nothing there to last, breathe through this
and be through that, Im about ready to crack under pressure
thinking i can see through this black wall in my face
but its all there is
trying to turn my eyeballs around i beg for a way out
i pray, shout, pout, and play,
but these are just one of many ways
to pass the time and wait in line
still many hills and valleys til i reach the gate
all i can say is when i get there i hope its not too late

———————————————————————————————————————————————————
no matter how patiently
i wait for you
you make it hard
for me
now I sit down and pray someday
I see you in the glory
fullest robed shining
the light of my life

———————————————————————————————————————————————————-

if love is God then how comes the flood of emotions over her?
misplaced feelings leading me to deal in sorrow
waiting for tomorrow’s ressurection of us,
losing my cool, cussing at the clouds,
i swallow my pride and kick on through the rain
as the dirty water runs into the drain
i feel the dirt shedding off my thickened brain
where have i been hiding all this time?
proud and thinking shouting aloud is the solution
forgetting the doing, pulled into illusion

———————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Floatation for Creation

heaven only knows, all of what the future holds,
we spend our time planning and calculating
what we can never be sure of
if change is the only constant
than what are you my Lord?
unchanging love? always changing love?
another unanswered question in this sea of hearts and souls
blessed to be one of them, I try to live among them
each one going our separate way, thoughts running astray,
taking us into fields of gray and lossed in confusions misty play
take me behind the curtain behind this rainy day.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————-

gettin firey in the fierceful faction of fate
the flames lick the four corners of the furnace
fear is burned out beneath and between the bones
breaking back the bricks holding the breathe
from the center, the tower and the totem to the one
as much as you try to hold it away,
the red hot coals know no bounds,
burning and churning, turbulent air even boils
appearing as anger, incinerating carcasses of filth
sin that no sinner ever knew,
victory will be only in one camp tonight,
none other than with the crown,
the mind is meddled in confusion
maladjusted to this maze of His Majesty
but progress is the primary process, purification in time,
putting forth the perfect ointment,
pungent and pointed at the prize,
Through the heart the spirit is on the rise

———————————————————————————————————————————————————–

Love Tanks

its not suprising that often i feel, the world is conspiring
to put me in a box and stack me with all the other cinderblocks.
a grey existence of cold hard stone,
no room to roam,
and chained all alone.
I grasp to my breath,
creating this poem,
dancing for rain to keep me sane.
I cling to my color,
or my mind’s eye gets duller
keeping my focus is a task in itself,
prayer the prerequisite to living and dying,
talking with Godself is the pleasure i felt,
now i try to get back, to that place of all black,
but yet so radiant with the whole rainbow of shades in it,
i think thats my home, far far from this prison
my place in the clouds where my sweet Lord was risen!

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

This next one I recorded on a Hip-Hop track that should hit the streets pretty soon!

Dust 2 Dust
my Lord and king is the one to whom I sing,
For Him, by Him, and with Him, in the unity he brings,
the trinity blessing I with livity,
breath and inner serenity,
is where i find divinity.
His person i've never met,
yet with Him I always rest,
He puts me to the test, so I will never forget,
His love is eternal and nothing less,
blessing me with perserverance,
Im steady standing with righteous reverence,
by His grace he lets me taste,
the fruits that I once thought were waste,
one day I shall see His face,
in His Holy chosen place,

sometimes the scene does get darker,
with no spark to light the fire,
empty blackness crashes in,
crying for the dying and starting to tire,
tempted to turn my back on Him,
i surrender myself and confess my sin,
forever will the righteous win,
the might and mercy He shows me now,
was always part of my makers vow,
give Him my life and he removes my strife,
fearless warriors dont need knife or sword,
Im always armed by the eternal Word,
the Logos was shown to-us in the flesh,
His sacrifice flushes this weight from my chest,
I want to be pure as the untouched shore,
waves crashing and thrashing on the steady seafloor,
the sand is moved but remains the same,
too numerous to count, too wild to tame,
this is like soul on a material plane,

striving to fly I start to nose dive,
falling from a height I dont know why,
Not sure if I will even remain alive
resolving to rest not quite so high,
I build a brace in the clouds,
a support if again I slip and fall,
now Im quicker to answer when He calls,
harnessed to myself with ropes of gold and silver,
playing the sweetest music from the eternal giver,
when the trumpet sounds I return into my quiver,
the sublime song of songs sings me to my seat,
feeling blood rushing with each heart beat,
the serpent's slither surrounds,
as the pump continues to pound,
breath settles in center,
im opening the valve of the love dispenser
--------------------------------------------------------------
λόγος (Logos)
Lambda is the lamb and the earth,
the land and place of human birth,
left with the lesson and lured with light
i long to listen both day and night
the sacred sound, my only delight,
i sing, search, and sow, until my soul is set right,

omicron hovers over the land,
high in the heavens firmly she stands,
always prepared,
with her blue and white stare
creating the tides and perfecting the tune,
she is queen luna, lovely lady moon,

gamma is the Man running the show,
purveyer of truth and all things known,
the center and axle of the wheel,
the one that is still, never lifting a gill,
he is the fish in the holy ocean so chill,
In Him is all, and all is in Him,
He was the beggining and never shall fall

On the right hand, does stand,
another omicron, to bless us and carry us on
luminous, the fire licks all of life,
burning and burning His rays like a knife,
cutting the cold, he continuous so bold,
circling and supporting with His gravitational hold,
the Sun is the one from which earthly life comes.

oh sigma, how sweet your sound,
hissing and streaming you spiral around,
the stream of spirit and servant of song,
you close the seal, putting my heart where it belongs,
when my mind hears it, it cant help but sing-along.

I have to mention, I am so intrigued and in love with the Logos,
The Word, the reason, the motivation, and the creative fire,
I had the Greek tattooed on my right arm. That was my first and
only tattoo and I love it!  I'm not sure why the font changed and
I don't know how to change it back, so I'm going with it!

Now would be a good time to mention, I have recently really
enjoyed reading the "Good News Translation" of the Bible.
It was originally written for folks with English as a second
language, even though English was my first language,
I really enjoy the word choice and simplicity of this version.

1In the beginning the Word already existed; the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

2From the very beginning the Word was with God.

3Through him God made all things; not one thing in all creation was made without him.

4The Word was the source of life,

and this life brought light to people.

5The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has never put it out.

John 1:1 GNT. (it looks like I got my font back! haha)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
they say these are the last days,
but it seems like its just the start,
until the man gets ripped apart,
i'll just be still and play my part,
we building the army in the minds,
of youth as we reveal the truth,
the souls will quiet
and we'll take the controls off of autopilot,
no more machines, oiled with poison unclean,
living beings, life force breathing,
need the fire of the sun,
the calming of the moon,
man and woman becoming one,
love resonates a blessed tune,
air into the center,
and im steady seeing,
the ocean of my being,
into the kingdom enter.

do i have to sell myself to preserve this life?
and find good health?
theres only so many options,
but why do i gotta take what they offer?
God sent me a taste of freedom,
and now thats alll im seeking,
if I could just meet Him,
kiss his feet and greet Him,
then id stay forever,
under his wings of lovin,
nothing could be better,
but then i get to thinking,
if anything lasts forever,
reaching back and forward,
then now is just a moment,
just a moment in forever,
i must be careful not to sever,
this cord that keeps me tethered,
to my Lord's wing feather.
I use my axe with clever
strikes to the chains that bind me
keeping me attached to,
passion and desires that find me
helplessly unaware
theres temptations hiding there
with a little piece of bait like a waiting snare

I'm not sure if I like that as two separate poems or 2 verses
in the same piece. I'll leave it without the dashed line for now.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Boating Problems
burning with desire for whose name i dont know
this fire keeps getting hotter and the pain is degrading
Im trying to keep a wall up but its like dominoes
one of them fell and now my castle is crumbling
im a mumbling fumbling being in a sea of confusion
not knowing real from illusion, or water from poison,
if I think I was chosen, then are my brothers not?
nothing is as i thought.
im ready to lay down my sword and my shield
but i cant find a river where i can yield
and cleanse and quench out these coals
every step could be my last, thirsty in the desert,
patience becomes my only friend,
the anger firing out of every hair,
every pore and oriface,
i hold my face and weep.
palms in cheek, and eyes closed,
how can i ever begin to think i know
the suffering that paved this road
i feed my patience and my patience feeds me,
i pick up a foot, left, and let it land,
i pick up a foot, right, and release to rest,
doubt swoops in again, encircling
why dont you give up,
how is it that I ever knew where I was going?
why did i leave the cloudy city?
i was alive, and now must i die?
I needed to see through the mist,
I needed to glimpse the source of the light
by which I saw, day and night
the light in us all,
not expecting a road of no return
how could i backtrack to that place
but how can i let myself waste away in this desolate space?
overrun with emotions, leeking in,
my body is like a damaged boat,
do i float when filled with this stuff?
is it an ocean or a desert? is this a mirage?
drinking my tears, i must press on,
facing my fears, forward is the only way
----------------------------------------------------------------
Bloody Water
i take a step forward,
you know its all for you!
i thought i knew love, now you shine brighter!
i let you take over, no im not the fighter,
im a warrior in the way you made me,
dont let me forsake thee,
peaceful with my power,
climbing up your tower,
spiraling clockwise,
no i wont deny you thrice,
by your grace you place me,
in your hands embrace me,
holy Sons and holy daughters,
blessed by your holy water
with the spirit gave me,
the will to let you save me,
through the hardest times,
on the earth and in my mind,
for you i search my most divine,
your blood is my wine,
soul and spirit shine,
your body is my bread,
you, all your people fed,
the ruts are gettin deeper,
this road is gettin steeper with ever more incline,
but at the pearly gates i stand patiently in line
----------------------------------------------------------

if ever i cursed you,
forgive me and let us work through,
the pain from my ignorant stain,
i lost you in the middle part,
stumbling blind and in the dark,
from those ways i will depart,
stearing clear of snakes and sharks,
if you could engulf me,
in your radiance basking,
take the chains off me,
im free to do your asking.
its not that i seek for me,
or to see thee and forever be,
why can't we all just be free?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
That covers most of 2011, this post is getting rather long,
but hey I told you when it rains it pours... So here is a little bit
going back to 2010. This next one I also put on a hip-hop track
that perhaps someday you can hear.

i do believe, everytime i rhyme i connect with divine
its not by the topic or how the words align,
its something between the lines and between the time
notes broken down to 16 or 32,
tones broken down a to g
up and down the octaves too
but the music goes beyond that
into energetic combat,
a warrior on the mic
somethin like lance on the bike
never lettin go of the one thing
they can never take away,
lift up my voice and sing
from the praises i never stray
joining my voice with angels and archangels
and all the company of heaven
with my sistren and my brethren
ive pushed up through all seven
by blessed grace and begging
the kingdom has come and zion is won
the gates open wide
and the Son waits inside
enter in eternity,
preserving the Word that He,
so graciously kept for us
like a treasure map
------------------------------------------------------------
in writing is my delighting and greatest pleasure too
contemplating love and life, what else would i rather do?
no more of the mental fighting about what to do or say
just a scribe for the creator as i go about His Way,
the breather and heart beater, the maker of every day
 as i humbly fumble His words, He continues to fill my heart
and something cannot stop if it never had a start,
its always been right here,
with love so bright and pure
now i embark on the waters, pushing off from the peer
letting the river carry, the craft through waters clear,
but see the little craft is me, like tom sawyer's raft,
made to float these waters, in the quest for God's knowledge
not worried where it takes me, knowing its out of my control,
keep singing in the stream keep singing in the rain
i tip twist and roll as the waters move my soul,
im just a pawn in His master plan and to His service i am drawn,
just a man on earth and a child in the sky
if I live forever,see you when this body dies
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: Much of my grammar and spelling is very poor. Please forgive me.
Also please don't take offense if I accidentally forgot to
capitalize when mentioning the Lord. You all know He is greater than
any capital letter or proper noun could ever express!  

THANKS FOR READING! SO MUCH LOVE <3 I would love any feedback
from all my brothers and sisters reading this!
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From → Poems

One Comment
  1. Hannah Ohlson permalink

    Encore! Lovely Derek, really lovely.

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